Monday, November 17, 2014


Divorce in America is breaking families and the lives of children; Parent should think more than twice about this and give very deep though regarding the decision of breaking the relationship. Divorce has many negative consequences not only in the lives of those that break the relationship but also in the children especially when they are at a young age.  Divorcing with kids is like cutting children in half. But before getting deeper in this topic, first I would like you to allow me to talk a little bit about how to avoid divorce.
There are so many resources available to get wisdom in how to deal with marriage to avoid divorce, many individuals just think on divorce, and don’t even think on making it work.
I have included a list of great books at the end of this article.
One of the main problems is that we believe that it is over and that there is nothing else to do, we also think that the other person will not change, secondly we are lazy and we don’t want to work on our marriage; because of these reasons we regret knowledge by not reading good books on marriage and by not going to counseling sections that can drastically change the way our marriage is headed. Divorce in most marriages can be avoidable, if we only do our part and play our roles. Staying married is not easy, it is easier to give up and run from its problems. We need to understand that in order to enjoy the benefits of having a healthy marriage we need to work hard at it. Don’t let marriage get to the point where you don’t want to live with your spouse anymore. Take the complaints of your spouse seriously at an early stage and look for ways to resolve them before it gets too late. An alternative to marriage is a brief separation to think things over.
If you are not married consider delaying marriage a few months or years to make sure that that is the right person for you and educate yourself on how marriage functions and what is expected from you. Don’t ever rush into this important decision, try not to let your emotions control you.
To some getting divorce is the norm, they saw it in their parents so they opt out in marriage because what they think this is the only way out. That’s why so many young couples cohabitate fearing divorce. Now there are some that get “married” and sadly before getting married they sign a postnuptial agreement in case they get divorce, this agreement usually states, you are not getting my stuff. In a sense there is a mistrust included even before the marriage has begun. Studies show that couples that have a pre-nuptial agreement are more likely to give up on the relationship. (1)
A recent study show that cohabitating couples have not intention on getting married, many couples pointed to financial reasons, another study suggests that these couple experience more problems, negative communication and including physical aggression. (2)
Divorce affects you and also your generation, Children many times blame themselves, and they think that they were the problem that they were not good enough to get their parents to stay together. As they grow there is a void in their lives that needs to be filled. They feel confused and afraid, they usually don’t want to talk about it.
Now in many states of the US we have “not fault divorce” meaning the court will not assign fault to either party for the divorce, and for the simple fact that if you are not getting alone, then you can get divorce. In the state of Massachusetts not fault divorce became effective in 1975, before this couples there was Fault Divorce and it was needed to show there was abuse in the relationship or that one of the parties was being unfaithful to the marriage commitment. Even though there is no fault divorce, many individuals that married knowing that there is a greater commitment, and do not take marriage commitment likely.
Lawyers had to change from fault divorce to no-fault divorce because there were a lot of individuals lying about why they needed to divorce. The first state to introduce no-fault divorce was the state of California in 1970. The only state that does not have no-fault divorce in the US is the state of New York.
Some southern states have the higher divorce rates because their laws are very soft on the issue, states like Alabama, Georgia, Florida and Tennessee; another states such as Louisiana, Arkansas and Arizona give the options to couples on which law they would like to apply if they end up divorcing, covenant marriage law or the no-fault law; covenant marriage being more strict to dissolved the marriage. (3)
Divorce often times comes with child support debates, many court battles and relocation and all of these things have a negative affect not only on the individuals that have separated, but also on the children.
Child Support usually goes the person that has the custody of the children and is calculated based on the individual’s income, and the court battle begins many time wearing individuals out and creating more distance between them, Retraining Orders sometimes are in place to keep the separated individuals from having a bad encounter.
Divorce battle are not easy, but know that if you have gotten divorce is not the end of the world, there are also some good books that can help you move forward after making that tough decision.
So when is divorced okay? In my opinion divorce is okay when all the resources have been exhausted. Is the relationship in such a bad shape that is unhealthy for them to continue to be together? Is there constantly physical and verbal abuse? Have your spouse been unfaithful and does not want to restore the marriage? Is your spouse addicted to a drug and is not recognizing it? Is your spouse a gambler and is wasting all the money and not recognizing it?
Then yes, but if they willing to cooperate and work in the marriage to make things better, work at it and make it happen.
Being married is not having a piece of paper is being fully committed to your spouse in whatever life may bring. In marriage many times we need to hold our emotions and use our head. Love is a choice not a feeling. To forgive is a decision we need to make constantly.

Works Cited:
1.    Israel, Esq., Laurie. "Prenup Can Destroy Your Marriage." IVKDLaw. Srael, Van Kooy & Days, LLC, 2010. Web. 18 Nov. 2014.
2.    Kunz, Jenifer. "The Family Variation." Think Marriages & Families. Boston: Pearson, 2013. 154. Print.
3.    Meyer, Cathy. "The Issue of No-Fault Divorce." About., n.d. Web. 18 Nov. 2014.

Recommended Books:
o   Making Marriage Work: New Rules for an Old Institution Paperback by Lynn Toler
o   The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert by John M. Gottman

o   Making Marriage Work by Joyce Meyer

No comments: